I thought you should know.

After three years of dragging myself around, my feet are picking up again.
When I saw your photo with her the other day, with that smile I hadn’t seen you wear in so long.
I really thought that would kill me. I really thought I’d hit the floor.
Lose myself like I did before, every time your knuckles found my door.
But after a moment of whatever that feeling was– shock, raw, lonliness–
I smiled.
I thought you should know.
Can I tell you that yesterday I watched a romantic movie and felt… good.
I didn’t cringe at the specifics of a love I thought could never be.
I thought you might want to know.
Today, I almost listened to an entire love song– of course one of “ours”
And something remarkable happened.
I didn’t think of you at all.
Of course then I thought about how I wasn’t thinking about you.
But I can count on one or two fingers the times that has happened in 3 whole years.
So I thought maybe you’d want to know.
Today I realized I can do nothing but thank you for that simple photo.
I don’t even know how I saw it,
But I did.
And it was beautiful.
And I’m so happy for you.
And I’m even more happy for myself.
Because you finally let me go.
And I’m smiling now, really smiling at the freedom of it.
So I thought you should know.
Tomorrow I will smile at something else. Not that I haven’t smiled a million times a day.
But it will be a carefree smile with no regrets.
A smile with no invisible strings pulling at the ends.
A smile that doesn’t have a past.
I’m smiling right now.
And I thought you should know.

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